This chapter is closing...

The last three years of my life held many trials and tribulations. The last year especially..... questioning God's plan for my life. There had been a lot of personal growth and realization of who I am. Learning about what I want in my life and what I want out of a partner.

As I started this blog, I wanted to bring humor to my tumultuous dating experiences. If I couldn't laugh at it, I'd cry. I found comfort in knowing I wasn't the only one going through a rocky road of relationships and dating! Never did I think my journey for Mr. Right would end so soon (hmmm, was I being pessimistic....?!?!?!), and I didn't think I could be this happy.

As blogging about bad dates comes to a close.... this is not the end. Only a chapter in my life that has closed, as I begin a new one. The best is yet to come!!! I will continue writing on love, life, and family... it will have to be in a form other than "prince charming is a jerk" (hahahahaha). A title more fitting for the future adventures!

I want to thank you for all the support and encouragement I received from the blog followers, friends, and family. If you are one that is still running around searching for Mr. Right and only finding Mr. Jerk...... please remember this is all but a chapter in your life too. Hang tough, your time is coming...... and I promise it will be when you least expect it!

“Because you have so little faith. I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there’ and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.’” Matt.17:20

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding."-Proverbs 3:5-6


Goodnight and God Bless!

Ladies and Gentleman... I have found Mr. Right

Ladies and Gentleman... I have found Mr. Right!

My blogging has been on hiatus because I have been dating a wonderful man. All my time has been consumed in this whirlwind romance. I have found my prince charming and he is not a jerk! :) As soon as I declared I was taking a break from dating.... I agreed to one last date. The date was with a guy I had been friends with for 2 years. He pursued me back then, but my head was in the sand! Persistence finally paid off... even if it was 2 years later! Actually, the timing couldn't have been better. Two years prior, we were both not ready to take on the kind of love this relationship had to offer. Now, we had matured, experienced life and had our heads straight! We now have the capacity to love at a deeper level. When people say "timing is everything"........ it couldn't be more true. God orchestrated the perfect timing for us.

We began dating and ending up going on a date every consecutive night for a month! I can't believe I am writing about a fabulous man that has entered my life and swept me off my feet. I never thought this would happen so soon. What an exciting time! Our desires, goals, and dreams are all in line with one other. This is someone that I am comfortable being myself around and he "gets" my humor and goofy side. This is someone that I can not wait to hear from and see. He is a good 'ole country boy. A gentleman.... He is kind, loving, affectionate, funny!, sincere, driven, patient, and most importantly, a Christian. A man I see myself spending the rest of my life with........

What is Love???

I have been on many dates.... the good, the bad, the ugly ;). As I sat back and analyzed what it was I was looking for, I asked myself.... What is love? What does it look like?

Love is.... unconditional, butterflies in the pit of your stomach, constantly smiling and giddy, daydreaming about him throughout the day, counting down the time until you can see him again, laughing with him, being goofy together, doing simple things together, sitting and talking for hours, losing your concentration, exploring new things together, anxiously awaiting his phone call, a best friend, a shoulder to cry on when you had a rough day, feeling lost when he isn't around, missing him before he's even left, snuggling.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres - 1 Corinthians 13:4-7

This is exactly what I have finally found.....

For the love of your job

Does what a man do for a living really a deal breaker? Yes and No. First off, let me just start off by saying.... it is not what a man makes for a living that this blog is about.... it is what he does for a living and whether or not a woman can handle it. Careers define men. Men that do not feel they have direction and a career they like in their life, are usually the ones that cannot commit to a relationship. All has to be in order before they want to be in a relationship.... #1 being they love their career and see it going places.

Strangest Jobs of men had I've met:

1. Snake Breeder. Yes folks, I said someone that breeds snakes for a living and owns over 500 of them

2. Sailboat Maintenance Manager: I could of sworn most sailboats don't have motors, but whatever. I am just not sure what this job really is.

3. Dog Walker/ Dog Sitter: sounds fun, but for a man and as a career? And he's straight!?! Not so sure that career is going anywhere.

4. Starving Actor and Model: at 36? really? don't you think you after 15 years of trying, that maybe you would pick up a real job and make this your side gig. Oh and bartending does not count as your "main job".

5. The best is "in between" work. Otherwise known as "reinventing myself", "taking some time off from the workplace". Hey, we all know this is a bad economy and most have been out of work at one time or another, so just tell me that.

Honesty is the best policy... if you can't handle their career path (or anything else about them), just tell them. The snake breeder could not figure out why I did not want to go on a date with him after our lovely phone conversation. I had to tell him that the whole snake breeding/ owning 500+ snakes is just not for me. I find snakes disgusting and therefore, we obviously have quite different interests!

Qualifications

I believe everyone should have "qualifications" and things they are looking for in a mate. And I am not referring to "dark hair, blue eyes, tan skin" kind of qualifications. I am talking about core values, morals, similarities..... what are these qualifications you are looking for. At this point, this is not just a dating spree for FUN... this is a process of elimination to decide who will be a good husband, partner, lover, and possibly father to your children. What characteristics do you want out of this partner. I think before people begin on a dating frenzy, they really need to do an inventory on what it is they want in a man. Some of mine are religious beliefs, political views, whether or not he is ambitious and goal oriented, whether or not he is affectionate and does he have similar goals/dreams as mine for his life.

Take some time, write down what you are looking for and when you go on these first dates... find out AS MUCH AS YOU CAN. Find out if he falls in line with your goals at the start. It is better to find out on the first date or two, then 3 months into it. It may seem unconventional.... but ask those hard questions..... what do you have to lose? If you are on different wavelengths, then fine.. NEXT!

Break Time

When do you look at your dating life and begin to say... I think I need a break from all this??? I think it comes we you really do not care anymore. I had several dates one week... all first dates, and I have been getting so burned out! I am wasting time on facebook, seeing what all "my friends" are doing instead of getting ready for the date. I look at my clock and it is 7:30. Wait?!? I am suppose to be there at the restaurant at 7:30. I text him to tell him I will be late and his response is "No Problem!". Is it no problem??? I began to realize it IS a problem! Why is it that I do not care one bit about meeting this guy and going on another blind date. Am I burned out on this dating life? I think so! Its a problem when I am not even excited to get ready and meet someone. After you meet about 60 different strangers on dates over the last 6 months, and NONE are worth dating... you begin to think HE is not out there!!!! Maybe it is the fact that I am putting myself out there and trying to meet people. I am making a strong effort to meet people and connect with others..... all in hopes of finding "Mr. Right". Maybe I just need to let things be for a while and take a step backwards. What if I take a break from dating all together???????

Intimidation?

What makes a man intimidated to come up to a girl and talk to her? Are men really shy? I think there is a very small percentage that are shy... most are not. I used to believe men were intimidated.... or simply afraid of being rejected. Now, I have realized if the guy does not approach you, he is not interested. After all, I want to be with a man who pursues me, not one that is too "intimidated" to actually talk to me first. He should be the first to talk to me, ask me out, and call me. Not the other way around.... I think men like a challenge and want a challenge. So why not give it to them?!?

If this is not true, then why is it that the shy guy has such a hard time approaching a girl. I have had men who will ask someone else to go check and see if I am "available" first before coming to talk to me. I understand the feeling of rejection... but without the risk, there is no reward. I want to be the risk they are willing to take. If someone passes me by because they were too shy or nervous to ask me out, then it was not meant to be.... or perhaps "he's just not that into me" :p

Here's a funny story... I was on a blind date sitting at the bar while waiting on our table to eat. All the guy wanted to talk about was the final four basketball game that was on the bar TV. I love basketball and all.... but I do not even know this guy, so how about getting to know each other a little! We are on a date, not a sporting event. So, I am sitting there and I get a note passed down the bar to me. Almost had deja vu as if I was in middle school again and the boy passed a note to my desk. EXCEPT I was at a restaurant, the man was in his 40ies and he sent a note down the bar. Here's what it said:

Can't blame him for trying!!!! hahaha!

Categories

I have dated all sorts of men and have decided to compile a list of descriptions of the majority of guys I have dated. Now... there are a number of categories men fall into, it just so happens these were the top categories I keep coming across.

1. The Emotionally Unavailable: This is the man with a lot of baggage.... emotional baggage that is. He never has addressed issues from his past.... perhaps childhood even. He has a large wall built up... maybe for protecting himself at one point, but now does not know how to let that wall down. This man can be recently separated or divorced. The relationship starts off wonderful, he says all the right things and it is amazing... then it begins to look and feel more and more like a booty call than a relationship. He tells you that it is all about the "timing" and your timing with him just so happens to be "off".... or that he is not at the right place in his life! If he openly says he has a lot of past issues he has to deal with first, then he is not emotionally available. Quick to pursue you, then backs off once he feels he "has" you. Sends a ton of mixed signals. He is the type that will want to be "friends" with you and keep you at arms length even when you are not in a relationship together. He blames you for "pushing" the relationship. He wants you, then he doesn't. An ambivalent man.... Almost to the point of being bipolar. He dates multiple people simultaneously and historically did not have any long term girlfriends. Your love for him is not enough to change him, he needs consistent psychotherapy.......

2. The Playboy: This man is extremely cocky and thinks he could get every girl in the room. You should worry about him being so into himself. He probably has been with everyone in the room... literally. He will probably take you out, talk all about himself, wine and dine you, and of course, try and get laid. When he doesn't, he will be shocked and make you out to be the "crazy", "bad" person because he won't believe he didn't score with you! He is borderline narcissistic. Very vain, egotistical, conceited, and selfish..... He thinks he is above others and he mainly does things to look out for himself. He is a player and doesn't want a serious relationship. He is fun, attractive, built, affectionate, seductive and a great kisser. But do not let the lust fool you... he's into himself and just after a "good time"!

3. The Insecure Guy: This man is jealous of every guy that looks your way. Very controlling and can be even jealous of your own girlfriends. He ultimately has zero self esteem and at times feels he is not good enough for you. He also is someone that seems to build you up then put you down. He talks as if you are "too good" for him and then switches to say you will never find anyone as good as him. He is confused and causes confusion in your relationship. He wants you all to himself. He does not like to socialize much with your friends or other couples. He usually just wants to stay in and not do anything. His excuse will be that he wants to spend as much quality time with you as possible. The truth is, he can't stand the fact that some other guy might look your way if you are out on the town. This controlling behavior comes from his insecurity and that insecurity will not change overnight. He has to work on this on his own (without you) before you can have a healthy relationship.

4. The Non-Committal: These are the guys that are so afraid of commitment that they sabotage perfectly good relationships because after a while they feel it is headed to "marriage" and "marriage" = growing up and growing up = they have to actually be mature and responsible and this scares them shit-less. Non-Committal men are showing a sign of their immaturity. It is true. You might have a wonderful relationship, but if the man is non-committal and you do not sweep him off his feet enough to change his interests ... run! He is not going to change. You might continue to wait and wait and wait... putting everything on hold for that moment when you can finally be married to him. The reality is, he is incapable of this "committed" type relationship. So, if you want marriage in your future.... you need to look for it elsewhere.

5. The Nice Guy: Notice I put this last... yes, it really is true. The nice guys finish last. Unfortunately this is the guy that is so great on paper, there is just usually not a physical/ sexual chemistry between the two of you. He is so excited to "woo" you... take you on amazing dates and buy you things, but the entire time you are thinking you need a drink in order to continue through the date. Most of these guys put it all out there too soon... they need to slow it down and not suffocate the woman. Reason being.....he needs to make you fall in love with HIM, before the make out session begins. Most "nice guys" are so nice that they constantly put the you on a pedestal. While that is great, it needs to be gradual. When the compliments are so frequent and constant, you feel suffocated by his need to please and impress you. I still truly believe the nice guys will finish last, but will finish strong. They will be the ones celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary. So for all the nice guys.... don't quit being "nice", just breathe and turn down the forwardness a notch.....

Maybe one day I might find that needle in a haystack and prove all these stereotypes wrong. And one day I might come back on here and create another category for "Prince Charming"......until then, these are the categories and stories that make up the wonderful dating life!

Detox

Breakups SUCK and here's a few lessons I've learned along the way from a bad breakup. You must detox from this bad relationship. Detox from the negativity that has invaded your life and detox from the ex.

A great breakup book by Greg & Amiira Behrendt is "It's called a Breakup because its Broken". As the book states, "The person you loved took a long look at the awesomeness that is you, evaluated your relationship together, and said, 'No thanks. I'll try my luck elsewhere.'" If he is willing to take the risk of letting you go, his love for you was never really there to begin with. If he wanted to be with you, he'd do whatever it takes to make it happen. Instead I always got the answers from my ex "I'm not ready", "I don't know". If it has been more than a year and he still "doesn't know"... then there is your answer. As painful as it may be, the answer is he does not want to be with you. Quitting him cold turkey and going through a 60-day "detox" is the fastest way to rid yourself of him and the heartache. No seeing, texting, emailing, or talking to this person for a minimum of 60 days. A great reminder from the book, "Why should you talk to the person who just broke your heart? You wouldn't go back to a job you'd just been fired from every day just to feel bad about yourself, would you?"

You have to get rid of the unhealthy people in your life in order to find the healthy. Quit hanging onto the dysfunctional men because it is "comfortable". I kept going back to my ex because it was comfortable. But did I really want comfort or passion? I wanted someone who would go to the ends of the earth to be with me. Not someone that was comfortable with me being around and never trying to "win" me over. When you are comfortable, growth can not happen. The relationship does not grow and it becomes stagnant. I finally asked myself, "Don't you want to be with a man that wants to be with you??"

Take care of yourself.... do not sink into this breakup pit! Workout, don't drink every night, don't hook up with random guys..... take care of yourself! Do not look for a quick fix to fill the void. It never works. Do not be self-destructive! Find a support system in your friends to lift you up and get you out of the house, off the couch, and out of the liquor cabinet.

The last thing you want to be is that crazy drunk girl who is sobbing at the bar telling the bartender what an ass your ex is and asking him why your ex didn't love you?!?! So put down the Jim Beam and Jack Daniels...... and give yourself a total detox.

Keep a gratitude journal... write down all the things you are thankful for and blessed with. This positive reinforcement will help prevent negative thoughts and help you when become down about your crazy ex.

Detox has to happen so you can move on to the bigger and better things God has planned for your life. Move out of the past and into the future.....

Hot and Cold

Hot and Cold..... Katie Perry described it best....

"You're hot then you're cold
You're yes then you're no
You're in then you're out
You're up, then you're down
You're wrong when it's right
It's black and it's white
We fight, we break up
We kiss, we make up"

This describes a type of man.... the Ambivalent Man. Has anyone been in a relationship like this before? Or even dated a man who is confused, mixed up, unpredictable, unreliable, inconsistent. YET... he is so very easy to fall in love with. He is irresistible and possesses all the qualities you want in a man, yet he is incapable of committing? If you have seen sex in the city... then you know Mr. Big. Well, Mr. Big is the definition of an ambivalent man. Never sure what he wanted... he wanted Carrie, then he was over it. Back and forth and back and forth. It's no wonder I was so peeved when she ended up marrying him in the movie! UGH! NO!

My last serious relationship started out great.....everything falling into place. That was until his ambivalence came rearing its ugly head. Ambivalence is something a guy has embedded in him...... for a long time. For one reason or another, not dealing with his present issues and/or having past mother or father issues (perhaps). As much as we would like to "change" him... it might not happen. In my case, it DIDN'T HAPPEN.

I have realized it seems to be the guys that you fall for quickly. They have that charm about them that gets the girl, but then soon after become "wishy-washy". I have run into several guys like this and have realized that I should always give the 3 month or 3 time rule. One guy I went on a few dates with, didn't hear back from for several weeks, then heard from him and he wanted to go on more dates..... ok... but then the entire thing repeated. SO, obviously not again. 3x and I'm done. And if he is this unpredictable now....what in the world will he be like later. My 3 month rule goes for the infatuation period. It takes about 3 months for the "newness" and infatuation with one another to wear off. Therefore, do not get too emotionally involved with this man until you know that he is not an ambivalent man and that once the initial "newness" wears off, that he will still be around. It hurts a lot less when you give it 3 months and figure it out instead of 2 years................