Vacation on the mind.......

Life can become so fast paced.... we all need a little down time to relax the mind and soul. No worries..... I haven't decided to quit blogging or haven't gotten sick of writing about life and love. There is definitely more to come! I am just taking my summer vacation and regrouping. I have so many things to write about, I just had to get away and get my thoughts together. Blogging is such a great avenue for me to tell about some of life's lessons I have learned on my journey. I also enjoy writing to add some laughter to my dating dramas. Hopefully, those who read my blog can relate in some form or fashion. I am still learning about life and always growing. I attribute my personal growth to the love and grace God has shown me. One of my favorite quotes I want to share is by Corrie Ten Boom: "Every experience God gives us, every person He puts in our lives, is the perfect preparation for the future that only He can see." If you happen to be going through hard times, remember they are strictly growing pains..... just a chapter in your life and the rest is still unwritten.

Deadlines

Deadlines at work, deadlines at school, why not a deadline in a relationship??? Everyone needs deadlines.... it is sorta like a goal without a deadline or plan, is just a dream. If you don't have a deadline, then you need one.

In your late 20's and/or early to late 30's you have dated enough... (perhaps even been married and divorced) to know what it is that you want in a relationship. When you are in your teens and early 20's, dating someone for 3, 4, 5 years is not as big of a deal. But for some reason when you are older, you spend way more time with your significant other... perhaps you even live together. Spending that much time with someone allows you to get to know everything about that person in a shorter period of time. There is no reason to date someone for more than 2 years and "not know" if he/she is the one. By this time in our lives, we know what we want out of a mate and after a year of dating, definitely know if they are the one to marry. Women seem to have more of an instinct in knowing..... but most men really do know, they are just more hesitant to accept what they are feeling.

If your guy does not want to commit, feels everything is going just fine, does not agree that things should progress and is happy with it being stagnant, then this is your sign he is not ready to commit. Move along. Take this as a red-flag. All relationships need to be moving in a forward direction and growing and going somewhere. Ask yourself, "where is this going?"

Do not give into the man's idea of taking a break. There is no such thing as "taking a break". Really? What does that mean? I will tell you what it means..... it means "I think you are awesome, but not awesome enough to make a commitment to, so let's break up and then if the grass really isn't greener on the other side, then we could give it another go."

You need a mental "deadline".... this is a deadline you keep to yourself (maybe tell your best friend), but pick a date and decide that if the relationship has not progressed accordingly or you are not getting what you want from this relationship, then you are done. Become Empowered! Quit allowing the needs and desires you want to be swept under the rug. You have to realize this is not just an issue about "marriage", it is an issue about whether or not he/she is really serious about growing your relationship..... now and perhaps forever.

I have known people that date guys for 4, 5, 6 years and still have no commitment from them. I ask the girl if she wants to be married and have a family... 9 times out of 10, she says "yes, I just do not understand why he doesn't". It is because he is just not that into you! Actually, there are a LOT more underlying issues that he is not dealing with... that will eventually come out if you do get married...... address them now! Address these deeply rooted issues.... counseling perhaps? You could be saving yourself from a lifetime of heartache or an ugly divorce.

Matchmaker, Matchmaker, Make me a Match....

"Matchmaker, Matchmaker, Make me a match,
Find me a find, Catch me a catch,
Night after night in the dark I'm alone
So find me a match of my own."

A personal matchmaker for love...... a headhunter for your love life...... well, now there's an idea! An idea that I have interesting stories from. Exclusive Matchmaking is a highly confidential elite service that men pay big-bucks to join. These companies are basically executive recruiters for men, trying to find them a woman to date. There are thousands of exclusive matchmaking services out there..... the one the has received the most notoriety and one you have probably heard of is the Millionaire Matchmaker on TV.

The "sale" to me (which was strictly just to get me to agree to go on dates) was that these men were great looking, educated, successful, and ready for commitment. The men just find it hard to date with their busy schedules. And they were going to set me up with men that had same interests, hobbies, goals, etc. I happen to find the TOTAL opposite. Yea, some were successful (so they said), some were educated and none were good looking...... Of course the matchmaking service would not allow me to see their pictures before the date since this was highly confidential. However, they saw my photos! Their excuse was that the men are paying and I am not. So I am now essentially going on serious BLIND DATES! It was always so awkward when I would show up somewhere to meet this mystery man and have no earthly idea what he looks like. After repeat and repeat and repeat of blind dating nightmares, I finally decided to tell these "matchmakers"... thanks, but not thanks. Gonna try my luck on my own... at least I will know what they look like!!!!!!

Mr. Del Frisco Guy and I met at Del Frisco's Steak House and he proceeds to ask nothing about me, instead telling about his life and how successful he is and how much money he has. When we sat to eat, he made it a point to tell the waiter aloud that we would have "the hundred dollar bottle of wine". This kind of attitude does not impress me. He then tells me he had a hilarious story about his best friend. The story was that his best friend was in a serious relationship and got drunk one night, had sex with a stripper, later proposed to his girlfriend, started planning the wedding, found out the stripper was preggers, had his friends tell the fiance, she broke off the wedding, he had a kid, finds out the stripper was crazy, then the ex-girlfriend figured she couldn't do any better so got back with him and now they are getting married. This is funny.... HOW?!?!? I really do not need to know your messed up stories on the first date... I figured if this was his "best friend", then what kind of moral character did he possess? After many stories about his so-called wealth, I was ready to run. Needless to say the date was a nightmare, but I was willing to give this "matchmaking" a few more chances.

Mr. Brainiac was one who didn't feel the need to actually take me to dinner or have an actual real date. Instead, he had an extra ticket to an event at the Dallas Nasher Sculpture Center. Ok, fine... we shall see. Maybe he'd be a looker.... As I meet my blind date, I realize he is definitely not a looker and I am going to have to find a way to get the hell out early! As we walked around the sculptures, he quizzed me to see if I knew what the sculptures represented. Did I have an eye for these unique art sculptures or was I just a dumb blonde? Not to brag, but yes... I could figure out what this art was. He was especially impressed but what I described as "Vertebrae". Come one, who cares?!?!?! I find out he takes all his first dates there because he tells me no other date he's taken there has gotten that correct... and I did a lot better in interpreting the sculptures than his last dates. Really? Am I taking a test or on a date? Bye bye Mr. Boring Brainiac!

Mr. Comedian came from NYC to meet me. So, Mr. Comedian talked exactly like the guys from the Sopranos! He talked about his life in NYC and the businesses he owned. He also told me he was a stand up comedian..... now that's interesting! Interesting up until he decided to do his routine for me. Oh no!!!! I'm in a restaurant with a 5'5" loud guy from the Bronx doing a stand up comic routine. Does it get any worse? Oh... and it was not funny, so obviously it did get worse. He calls me the next day and leaves a voicemail telling me who he is and reminding me I met him for lunch the day before (really?!?) and he would like to take me out again when he is back in town. At least he tells me that if he doesn't hear back from me, he will take that as a clue that I am not interested. (more men should follow his lead here)

Mr. Geek is your stereotypical engineer. He was nerdy and too smart for his own good. He said that he wanted to do something "different" for our first meeting. So, we met at the House of Blues for a Sunday Gospel Brunch. This is a 5'6" geeky white guy, by the way. So we are at a this gospel music show and the singers are bringing people from the audience on stage. Mr. Geek tells the waitress (without me knowing) to pull me on stage. So, here I am... on stage with a bunch of Gospel Singers on Sunday morning looking out to see Mr. Geek dancing with absolutely no rhythm and clapping off beat....... I wanted to run back stage, head for the exit and never be seen again! NEXT!!

Mr. List Maker is a nice guy in his 40's that has no social skills. He decided to email me about our first date...here's how it went.......
So for our date do you want:
1) Eat dinner at a mexican food restaurant, then go dancing at club
2) Eat dinner at at a steak house, then go try out wines at a wine bar
3) Eat dinner at a seafood restaurant, then go catch a movie

I tried to let this list making slide... trying to think it was a little humorous at first. So, after our first date and I knew we were never going out again, he emailed me

So you....
1) Know that I'm interested and what my intentions are
2) Have the chance to make it clear if your are interested
3) Should let me know if you aren't interested to avoid any uncomfortable moments
So would you like to go out on another date?

Sorry Mr. List Maker... here is my answer:
1) NO
2) Not a chance
3) Never, ever, ever again

Don't get me wrong, this guy was nice.....just NO social skills!
I am not saying all matchmaking services are alike.... its just the ones I have tried were not for me!!!! Have not had luck on this route... so.......NEXT!!!!

It's a small world after all......

It's a small world after all..... As I was a kid going through that boat ride at Disney World I was thinking "how is it a small world??" The world seemed so big and so untouched, so how could those little toys be singing "it's a small world after all...."

Now that I am 30 and single, I realize how small of a world it actually is...... and it SUCKS! In your 30ies most people are married and the dating pool gets smaller and smaller. If you are in a town where you know a lot of people and have been out dating.... you begin to wonder how is it that you keep running into the same crowd of these "single" people. I try to be social at charity and fundraising events, try to meet people at church, and meet guys at networking events... all to run into the same crowds and the same single guys. Now I am sure there are plenty more men out there in the clubby bar scene, but since I do not plan on meeting my future husband there, I don't frequent those. Of course I do throw in some "friend of a friend" dates and online dating, but it still seems to circle back around to the same crowd.

Everyone jokes about being in a "bubble" here in Dallas and this bubble sure gets smaller and smaller the older you get. What really sucks is when you run into girls you know that have dated or are dating your ex. You really begin to think you want to move out of this city! Why is it that women feel the need to air their dirty laundry about your ex or perhaps their ex that you have dated?!?!?! Like it is some competition on who's dated who! I ran into a girl who has dated my ex and she goes on to tell me how "good" he was......please put the bedtime stories to rest!!! The ex-girlfriends do not want to hear it! Ladies, please do not feel the need to explain that you have recently hooked up with, had an amazing date with, or plan to sleep with the guy that is an ex of the girl you are chatting with. ALSO, do not feel the need to tell horrible stories about a previous guy you dated, just because someone else is interested in him. If the boy has committed a crime, has STDs, or is lying about being single, lying about having kids, or something of that magnitude, then fine... all is fair in love and war. Tell the sister. But DO NOT go on to tell her you dated 3 years ago, but he called you last week for a booty call. Who is to believe who here??? Of course if this was your best friend talking, you would definitely listen... but the girls I am talking about here are girls that are acquaintances or casual friends. And actually all these stories have happened to me! Bottom line is ......Ladies, do not compare notes on ex-boyfriends... please!!!

For the guys out there.... remember women talk. Be careful who you go home with and definitely who you sleep with. For the obvious reasons of course..... but better yet, for the simple fact that the "hook-up" could be blabbing to some girl that could of been your future wife!!! Talk, talk, talk.... I wish more women could have the attitude "what happens behind closed doors, stays behind closed doors". But unfortunately a lot don't.... and you never know who is talking!

I know there are a "lot of fish in the sea".... but I sure need a bigger pool to swim in!!!

Don't Recycle

Recycle your cans, recycle your bottles, recycle your paper bags, just do not recycle your men! You broke up for one reason or another. Whatever the reason was, do not think things have changed or ever will. You are basically weeding out the bad seeds in this wonderful world we call dating, so do not go backwards and re-date the same guy, repeat the same thing that you have already gone through. That is exactly what it will be... the same hurt, frustration, and disappointment. It was over then and it should stay that way. I know he says he has changed. Well, great!!! Tell him it is good he has changed and you are glad he will treat the next girl better... but the next girl won't be you!

Here are some examples of past experiences with re-daters. When you originally meet a guy at a bar...... remember this when he calls you on a SUNDAY night to pick him up from the bar because he can't drive. When you think he drinks too much, you are probably right. As time has passed, and you decide to go back out with him because he has "gotten things figured out in his life"..... don't be surprised when you go out and he asks to stay the night because he has had "too much to drink". Really? I swear I have heard that line before. GET A CAB because it is not my problem you drank too much and it is not my problem you think you are going to use that line to try and get laid!

When a guy that told me he loved me and wants to marry me after 2 weeks of dating... then suddenly says "I am not feeling it". If this or something similar happens to you.....Keep in mind, there is ALWAYS more to the story!!! More that you probably didn't want or need to know in the first place. Don't plead with him...LET HIM GO! But wait, in this case he actually called me back 6 weeks later to explain the story. His ex-girlfriend called and said she was pregnant with his child and they got back together to have it. Oh, wait... then he found out that was a lie and wants to know when we can go out again. Whoops! Sure I will go out with you....when hell freezes over. Thanks, but no thanks.

When guys you date suddenly fall off the radar, realize that they have found someone else and moved on. When they call you back to date again... remember you weren't good enough, fun enough, or easy enough the first go around and you do not want to be sloppy seconds.

Fighting, breaking up and getting back together.... then doing it all over again. This is a problem ladies. It is a HUGE red flag. I don't care how long you have been with him and love him, this is a sign this roller coaster is never stopping. Prepare to be riding on it for the rest of your relationship.... or until you get divorced or die. Of course, every couple fights..... but when the fights escalate to the extreme of a hateful breakup, it is probably meant to be OVER the first time it happens! I know, I know... a few days later the remorse sets in, the apologies (and usually tears) set in and you are back with him. Not for long though, because remember.... this is a roller coaster and what goes up must come down. Sooner than later there is another blow out and the entire process repeats. Get off the roller coaster!

Remember: Friends don't let friends RECYCLE.