Get Over It!

Get over it.... Ever heard that old Eagles song "Get over it"? Well, that is what this blog is about. This big, bad world doesn't owe you a thing.... here are a few lyrics from this lil tune:

All this whining and cryin and pitchin a fit

Get over it, get over it!

Complain about the present and blame it on the past

Id like to find your inner child and kick its little ass

Get over it, get over it!

The way I see it, is that life is not fair. Really, really not fair! We can wallow in our unfair life, or decide to to take it in stride. I have had crap happen to me in my life, and so have most people. I am really tired of dating men that have been married before and were "burned" by their ex that now they sit around and are not willing to take a chance on ever being happy. MOST people have been burned. I have too. I am not a stranger to unfair things happening in my life. Things that I sit and question "why in the world is God putting me through this"?? But you know what? Would of, should of, could of... the past is the past and in order to ever move forward you must BURY the past. The past hurt, irritation, unwarranted things that have happened to you.... put it to rest. Not only do you need to bury your past, but the past of the one you are dating. If they stayed in a marriage too long, if they had a past that you do not agree with... then leave them. Do not sit around and wish that they would have done something differently in their past, before they even met you. This is their past and if you don't like it... leave.

If you truly want to be happy in life, you will understand that we all made mistakes, have stayed in a relationship too long or for the wrong reasons, been mistreated by someone we thought we loved..... but all this does not define us. We are made up of all of our experiences, but it does not determine our future or how the rest of our story will turn out. The past experiences are only chapters in our book of LIFE. So, live and love... fully. That is what we are here for. Put yourself out there..... give 110%. Do not continue this victim mentality! Give all you have and one day you will find that someone that gives all they have back to you.

Its not you, its me.....

Now there were a few guys that I couldn't get to stop calling and blowing my phone up! I have been asked to Miami, Napa Valley, Antigua all within 2 weeks. These guys are asking me to run away with them after meeting once! Is it me or is this weird?

At first I took the forwardness as a wooing mechanism and felt a bit flatter that I was on such high demand…. However, was I not reading into a very important piece? The fact that there is no respect for taking things slow with me. No respect for me as a person, woman, or sexual being? Instead the compliments slowly and surely began to feel like harassment....

I dated one guy... we will call him Mr. Baby. Mr. Baby and I went on 3 dates and he preceded to tell me he "loved me". Excuse me? You do not even know me? How do you love me? Mr. Baby told me what he knew about me, he loved and when "you know, you know". He went on to be very straightforward and tell me we would be getting married in 6 months and having babies soon after. Men--- as much as women like to know you want to provide for them, give them a family, etc..... this is NOT the way to go about it. You will scare the woman off. Just like guys hate the desperation that comes out of a woman's voice.... women hate to think the guy would get married to anything that moved. Needless to say, his aggression and continued forwardness in planning "our" future came to a screeching halt. I know things move a lot faster when we grow "up", but come on.... in 2 weeks you think you want to marry me?!?!

How to let the guy down easy? "It's not you, it's me". Women, if you have dished this out or heard it from a man it is complete BS. It's always something else that they are not willing to tell you. When a guy tells you this, realize it is definitely not the "I am confused and trying to figure out my life right now. I need time for me." I will decode that for you, "You are cool but not anyone I want to spend every waking moment with. If I do not find anyone else, I will keep you on the back burner and call you again."

Be straightforward with the guy.... I think you need to tell him exactly how you feel. "Your lack of communication skills is driving me mad" or "The more I am around you, the less attractive you are" or "You bore me to tears" or "Your constant texting and not calling is killing me". Something of those sorts. NOW.... ladies, you have to put your big girl panties on and be able to take the heat as well. I would MUCH rather know what is going on with the guy and why he quit calling, then the uncertainty of him "disappearing". Realize that most guys will not have the courage to tell you straight up and that is why we must set the stage. Wouldn't you rather know what really happened, than have him fall off the face of the earth and never, ever call you again? Bottom line is be honest. Do not keep going on dates with him trying to force a connection.... And realize when he is blowing you off.....

Texting as communication....

It is quite wonderful we are in an "instant communication" era. Where we can get a hold of people on an instant? Email, text, facebook, twitter.... If you want to have a relationship with someone, do not use this as a form of communication.

Texting is meant to be used as a form of letting someone know something instantly..... like "I will be at your place in 10minutes" or "pick up some milk at the store" or "I will call you when I get out of my meeting". Texting is NOT meant for a means of relationship building, arguing, breaking up, or professing ones deepest feelings. Men, please pick up the phone and learn to communicate like a big boy. If you have something you want to get off your chest, pick up the phone.... don't wuss out and text so you do not have to properly communicate. Text messages can be misconstrued. If you have something to say, THEN SAY IT..... VERBALLY.

People have become flat out lazy when it comes to communicating. I will admit... I have fallen into the texting game. But am so tired of it being the main way of communicating when you are trying to build a relationship. I used to have text arguments with my ex. He claimed he could express his feelings better through text messages. Well, how in the world did you communicate when texting was non-existent!?!?!

I have been asked out on a date via text, was first told "i love you" via text, was broken up with and "yelled" at... all over text (ALL CAPS MEANS YOU ARE YELLING). This is a serious problem. Statistics said... as of last year, there were 75 BILLION text messages sent per month!!! If you are looking for a relationship, lets be adults and talk. Talk in person, talk on the phone, just talk!

Keeping Up With The Joneses

Was this too good to be true? Everything I had ever wanted in a man, I found in Mr. Jones. What do we all seek and strive for? Love, acceptance, romance, chemistry…. And of course a friendship. But was all this blinded by my need for wanting to be in a marriage and have children? Was I truly in love with this man or in love with the idea of our little picture perfect family we had created? Keeping up with the Joneses... desiring this nice house, white picket fence, 2.5 kids, love, money, and happiness!

In this day and age with technology the way it is…. So many of us strive to come across having this “perfect” life. "Look at my blog about my perfect life! Read what wonderful and amazing things I am doing with my wonderful family on facebook, myspace… twitter." Now more than ever, people are sitting around trying to keep up with the Joneses. It not even just about money anymore. It is about who has the BEST marriage (or comes across to have it). Who has adorable kids? Who gets the privilege of being a stay at home mom? Who has the nicest house? Who travels the most? Seriously, we can not get away from the need to compare ourselves to everyone else and exploit our lives in a way where we want to come across as perfect as possible.
This is not reality. And this is definitely not what this blog will be about. What you will get here is absolutely the God honest truth. No fluff, No BS, nothing but the TRUTH folks. I will tell it like it is. And maybe, just maybe, others will start living their lives more honestly and know that the truth is what sets us free!!! :)

Other People's Kids....

Dating men with kids: there are great things that come from dating men with children(s). None of which I can think of right off the top of my head….. hmmmm…. Just kidding. Kids are wonderful and you will get attached very easily.

I have come to find out that when dating men with no children, they are most likely willing to have kids. Men with children have more of a “take it or leave it” mentality. Where they could do without more kids, or with….. and most use the line “whatever my future wife wants”. No sir, after I birth out a baby and tell you to change its diaper - I don’t want that line coming back to me “this is what YOU wanted. I already had my children”. This is an all or nothing gig. I want to hear, "YES, YES, I want more children… I love more kids." NOT the… "hmmm, not sure about it" answer. Seeing your date with his own children is a preview of how he will be with your children. Is he an active dad? Is he an absent dad? Is he strict? Or are there no rules when they are with dad? Pay Attention to this! As much as you "love" him, his kids will be with you FOREVER. Can you handle them? Can you handle how he is with them?

In my situation with Mr. Jones, it was even harder since his child was an infant when we met. One man + one infant=no maternal instincts. I took a lead role in that child's life. Feeding, bathing, putting to bed, taking care of illnesses, play dates, nanny…. I was the mother to a child that was not mine. It did take a lot for me to do this, but I was “in love”. Not only with Mr. Jones, but the innocent child that was in the mix of this. My biggest mistake was getting involved too soon… too quickly in the child's life. Mr. Jones became dependant on me when his child was in town. At the time, I thought this was great because it was almost like our own little family. Ladies, don’t play house… there will be plenty of years to do that. Mr. Jones was NEEDING me around during the times he had his child… but was he “needing” me the rest of the time??? Better yet, was he WANTING me? That is really what all women desire. A man that wants them around come hell or high water. Kiddos are wonderful... don't get me wrong, but ladies -just remember his kids are your kids.... forever.

The Ex

Finding someone!!! Wow, I actually met someone on “myspace”. Really? How does that even work, you might ask…. Well, an email is sent, a friend request is made, and voila… email buddies who turn into friends who eventually start a relationship. Ahhhhh, technology!

After a month of talking, we’ll call him “Mr. Jones" and I met! We fell hard… let me say, I fell hard and he acted to fall as well…....

Then, I find out he is separated and going “through a divorce”. LADIES, run, run very fast. Hindsight is 20/20… but make sure the divorce is final and he has been divorced at LEAST 6 months before jumping into a relationship! The man goes through what is called a "divorce honeymoon" after the divorce is said and done. This is where he needs his time to figure himself out and "sow his wild oats" before he is settled down again. If there is not a least 6 months in between his divorce and you... then it he will go through this when you are together. All of a sudden he will feel as if he needs "his" time to figure out his life, direction, purpose..... blah, blah, blah. In the end it is just best to let him get this divorce honeymoon out of the way BEFORE you begin a relationship. Call yourself forewarned.

I began getting calls to my work for this mysterious “ex” of Mr. Jones! I finally said why is the crazy calling me and do I need to get a restraining order? Well, the crazy is harassing me and accusing me of “cheating on her ‘husband’” What? Considering I did not even know he was still married when we started talking, how could I be to blame. Considering Mr. Jones moved cities and filed for divorce way before meeting me, she really had no leg to stand on. Note to self: people are temporarily insane when they are going through a divorce.... I realized this after I was being followed by a private investigator. Kinda creepy when you find out someone has been following you, watching you, etc! Hmmmm, didn’t ask for this! Now I am the person with zero baggage. No children, no crazy ex, no “shared goods” with the ex, no debt, and definitely more sanity then most combined, but yet I am the one that is the "bad" person. Luckily the craziness was short lived, but remember... when the man has a kid with the ex.... she will still be around forever!

*****Side note*****.....Counseling does help by the way… would recommend it to through a divorce. Hell, I will recommend it for the life of your life. You are always either coming out of a crisis, going into a crisis, or in the middle of a crisis. So, that is a recommended investment for those who enjoy being smarter than most.

Don't EXIT HERE......

When I get older, I will be stronger...

I sit here as a 30 year old single woman, wondering what happened in my life? How did I end up here? How come I am still single with no children? My life certainly did turn out the way I thought it was going to just 5 short years ago.

Married at 23 to the same guy I had dated since I was 19, had never left me much option to “date around”…. BUT, I did think he was the one and what should we do after dating for 4 years…. Well, obviously get married! Right!?!? Along came marriage, then came reality, then came distance, tension, financial problems, etc, etc, etc....and divorce.

So at 27, I found myself back in the dating world…. Starting all over. But wait, I had never really “started” it to begin with?!? I was with the same person for over 8 years. Where did my twenties go? How do I date? Where do I begin?

Everyone claims to have this desire to be married and have a family and this wonderful picture perfect life.... but what is it really? What are we all striving for? What does this picture perfect "life" look like? I sit here wondering what it is that we are desiring. I will tell you what the majority of women my age are desiring......a desire to love and to be loved back completely. The desire to find a true companion to share life with, have children with, grow old with.... To find a partner that pursues us, cherishes us, and adores us.

When I get older, I will be stronger....... this indeed has taken place. I have grown so much through my divorce and think I have finally figured out a few things about dating and marriage. I believe both parties need to find a strong connection with God before they can have a strong connection with anyone else. I sit here not looking for someone to "complete me" because God completes me and I do know He ultimately will bring me the desires of my heart. Of course, it is so much easier said than done..... the patiently waiting part! We are in a "now" world, with instant communication and a high-speed life. We want what we want NOW. Right?!?! And as much as I fall into that category, the "now" will definitely have to be HIS now. When I was married at such a young age, I assumed that this other person was suppose to fill the void and complete me as a person. That DOES NOT happen when you are married. If you are not complete on your own, you will never be complete as a couple. Both parties must be healthy and strong enough on their own before they can have the capacity to fulfill their partner's earthly desires.

When in a relationship... or when married.... people have to realize there are NO guarantees in life. At any given moment on of the two in the relationship can "check-out". Once you are committed and/or married, the work does not stop there. It is a continuation of pursuing the other, striving to be better, and learning to love deeper and deeper. Once one "checks-out" it is over. Two people have to go into the relationship, knowing they will give it all they got and if trust is broken and one person is not giving to the relationship, its going to be a constant uphill battle.

Now that I am older... and stronger...... I know that being alone is much better than being in a lonely relationship. So many women "settle" so they are not alone.... and ironically they end up alone anyways. Ladies, be strong, be wise, be who you want to be and God will provide that man that meets you where you are.

Grow Some Testicles

MEN.... Grow Some Testicles.... BUT NOT ON THE BACK OF YOUR TRUCK!

Ok, so I go on a date with a guy and as he drives off in his truck, I see bull balls hanging from the back. Gross! I know we are in Texas, but do you have to act like a podunk country boy with bull balls hanging from the back of your truck?!?!

So, what I mean by "grow some testicles" is..... say what you feel!!!! Men need to take a lesson in saying what they are thinking. I am so sick and tired of guys that cannot express what they feel. Instead, they run and hide. They try to sweep things under the rug as if nothing has happened and nothing bothers them. I have been on enough dates to know, you have to say what you mean and mean what you say! QUIT beating around the bush.... if you are not interested or something is bothering you..... then just tell me!

I have been on dates with guys who I end up never hearing from again. WTH?!? I am a big girl... tell me if you are not interested, mad that you didn't get laid on the first date, or just don't like anything about me. I can handle it... what I can't handle is the uncertainty... the confusion on why you never called. Grow some testicles and TELL ME! If you do not like my bluntness and straight forwardness.... then TELL ME! I will certainly tell you what I don't like! :)

Even more frustrating is when a guy calls and takes you out and then does not call you for a while. The 2-3 day rule should not exist after you have graduated college. Games are not fun... games are for boys, not men. If you liked us, call or text us.... if you didn't feel it, then text us that. Quit playing the games. So, I had Mr. Mysterious call and call... I finally go on a date and then he doesn't call for 3 weeks?!?! He then decides to call me up again. "Please, please, please go out with me... I have been swamped at work" Ok. Why not? Then after that date, I do not hear from him again for another 2 weeks?!?! So, when he called again, there was NO way I was going out with him. And then he's confused? Mister, you need a reality check.... girls do not sit around waiting on your phone call. These guys need to realize their inconsistency is never going to get them anywhere. Grow some and be a man!

Doctor, Doctor Give me the News

Doctor, Doctor.... PLEASE don't give me the news! I dated a guy who I thought was nice, funny, sincere... and plus, he was a doctor! Great! Wrong.... we dated for a WEEK and one night after dinner he came to my house to hang out for a little while. I went to the bathroom and came back to see him completely naked on my couch! WHAT?!?!? This was obviously not a joke. He was professing his feelings for me and told me to "hop on". Are you kidding? I obviously am not the kind of girl you are used to dating! He was quite offended when I threw his clothes to him and told him to get out. Guys, look for some signs first before you decided to express your feelings to me through nakedness! Come on, girls do not get "turned on" by your thingy! Not to mention your forwardness!!!!

These should be lessons to all men out there.... please, do not let us women know how much we are "turning you on". This ends up being a big TURN off! Mr. Young Guy and I went to dinner and had a nice night. When he walked me to my car we had a good night kiss... or two. When I said, "I have to be going". He grabbed my hand to feel how "turned on" he was. Are you kidding?!?!?! That definitely calls for a no-call back! Contain yourself BUCKO! I am glad I have that affect on men, but seriously... on the first or second date, do I really need to know it?!?! EWWWWWW!

Don't be a Pinhead!

Do not be a pinhead: n. a nitwit, a dunce, an ignorant person

Let the dating stories begin!!! Guys.... never, never, never order dinner for your date.... especially when it is your first date. I once had a date with Dumb Dumb. I always meet the guy for the first date, so when the guy tells you to meet him at the restaurant that is RIGHT by his house, know the date isn't going to be great. Dumb Dumb preceded to order my dinner and "water" at the Italian restaurant. Nothing I chose... no wine, no food I decided on, nothing. What? Ok, "give him the benefit of the doubt" I thought. Well, until he asked to finish my meal!! "I feel like I know you well enough to ask if I can finish off your lasagna." WHAT?!?!?! Our first date and you feel you know me well enough to eat my food off my plate? Ok?!?! When ending a wonderful or as this was, CRAPPY, date... guys... please, please, please walk the girl to her car! As I walked myself to the car I thought.........................N-E-X-T!

On to another dating nightmare..... I go on a blind date, well an "e-harmony" date and we meet for lunch. Mr. Drunk proceeds to tell me he has not been to work today, since he is hungover from the night before. LUCKILY, he let me know that he bought a sauna for his house for "nights like last night" when he gets so drunk he needs to DETOX. As if that is bad enough, he continues on to tell me he hates working and really wishes he was on a yacht with drinks being served to him. Well, don't we all mister! Check please!!!!!!

Online What?!?!?!

The online dating world..... can you really call it dating? Really? I have heard of wonderful people meeting wonderful people on the match.com's and the eharmony's of the world. But it didn't quite turn out that way for me! A bunch of men who have no clue who they are or what they want... and the majority... just looking to get laid. MEN--- pay attention.... here is what NOT to post when you are on the online dating sites:

• NO self-portraits (with you sticking your arms out and it looks as if your head is on a plate)!
  
• NO pictures of you in a huge group of people.... it is great you have friends, but we have not a clue to which one you are... it is pointless
  
• NO pictures of your "STUFF".... cars, house, boat, motorcycle, dog, buck you killed on your hunting trip last fall.... none of these are impressive enough to put on the dating site

• NO pictures of you and other girls, ESPECIALLY different girls - NOPE! Unless you are trying to look like a player! This isn't a site for your frat boys to check out, you are trying to meet a woman to date!
  
• NO pictures that make you look gay... if you are trying to pick up a woman, do not put cutesy pictures of you and your dogs, etc.

• NO pictures with your shirt off.... leave a little bit for the imagination!!! And absolutely no wife-beater shirts. Thank you.

I could go on and on..... but you get my drift! I attached some photos so you have a clearer understanding. Real photos...seriously people... I can't make this crap up!

Quick to Fire

Ok, so it has taken me some time to get to this point of "firing". I had to understand myself and know what it is that I do and don't want and what I will and wont put up with. No one likes to tell someone... "hey, sorry... I am not interested"... or better yet -- "sorry, I get sick to my stomach if I think about having sex with you" or "I think I'd slit my wrists if I had to go one one more date with you..." or if you are ending the date and all that is running through your mind is "please don't kiss me, please don't kiss me, please don't kiss me" or if you are plotting telling your date you are going to the bathroom and then planning to make a quick exit... never to be seen again.... then, YOU ARE NOT INTERESTED. In these cases, FIRE, FIRE, FIRE. So many women feel like they are going "hurt" the guys feelings... since they have been hurt by men so many times, it is hard to go with their GUT and CUT it off! Once you realize the ability to fire, it is LIBERATING!!! You can finally sift through the mess that you do not have a connection or chemistry with. Ladies, this is strictly a process of elimination. Do not talk yourself into liking someone because they are great on "paper".... CHEMISTRY must, must, must be there. If it is not, move along.

Kissing Frogs

How many frogs am I going to have to kiss before I meet my Prince? WAY TOO MANY obviously.... lol. Hey, kissing is not a bad thing!!!

I did have an incredible irony last weekend. My Fairy Godmother actually came running across McKinney Ave to grant me a wish. Wow, really? A Fairy Godmother?? "Fairy Godmother can you please turn ONE of these frogs into a prince?? Just one? Maybe just turn him into about 95% prince? 85%?"

Menage a Trois

Take a walk on the wild side.... hmmmm, that's what my nice red blend of Menage a Trois says on the bottle. Have I been "walking on the wild side"? There are days I most certainly wish I wasn't where I am.... but many other days I am certainly grateful I have come this far and worked hard on becoming emotionally healthy to know what I want out of life and love.

I am going to have to back track on some of my previous dates so you can get some laughs from what has already happened....

Once you have gone through a breakup or divorce, everyone of your friends becomes the ultimate matchmaker. “Oh…. I have this perfect person for you.”, “Now you are single, you have to meet my friend”, “My friend of a friend of a friend would be a great match for you” Really, have YOU even met them???, "I have this wonderful guy I know. Wouldn't that be great to go on double dates!" UGH... NO! Actually do you even know me? Because if you did, you would never set me up with this complete loser. Of course you can't say that to your friends who are in serious relationships and desperately want to set you up with anyone! Maybe they do this because they feel sorry for me? Or perhaps they are sick of seeing me be the third wheel? or perhaps they so desperately want to see me with someone so I am "off the market"? or perhaps they really, truly think this guy is great for me?

I have also done the going out bit.... Drinking, dancing, drinking more... that is EXACTLY how I want to pick up my husband. Drink till he's cute! Seriously, most boys (some men) are there in hopes to have a hook up night with the last girl hardly standing at the bar! Seriously, the drunker she is, the better the chance he can say "you are great, let me take you home" or "you are the most gorgeous girl in the room, come home with me" and magically he is Prince Charming and she is thinking he is "the one". WHAT?!?! At 30, we know better.... or should!

So now what? A little online dating? A little speed dating? A little "exclusive match-making"? How do you meet people? Oh right... so I have heard a gazillion time... "when you least expect it!" Seriously?!?! I am not a patient person... I need to be proactive in my opinion. Searching, seeking, and having these wonderfully wild date nights! :) EXCITEMENT.... give me some EXCITEMENT! Unless I am marrying the UPS or FedEx man, he will not be dropped on my doorstep! PUHLEASE! Come on ladies, get out there.... meet some people. Now some stories on how it went down!

Entering Blog-Life

I am now entering the wonderful world of blogging. I finally decided to break down and create a blog due to people requesting I tell them my "dating stories". So, why not create a way to blog about the wild and crazy dating days in the year 2009! and beyond???

I sit here not knowing a clue about blogging, but yet am intrigued by the fact this is such a popular method of expressing ones feelings..... whether people care or not! I will not sit and blog about how my day was, how many drinks I had at dinner, or how many "friend requests" I got on facebook.... instead, I will blog about dating. YEP, dating in Dallas, TX..... Dating as a divorced 30year old.. I will definitely ask for stories and comments so feel free to participate in the commenting section. The more stories, the better. I know I am not an expert on dating, but I might be able to tell so some fun, sad, and out-right crazy stories about the ups and downs of dating. Read the "about me" for more on me!

This blog is designed to bring humor.... and hopefully some comfort to those who have shared similar ups and downs of dating. In the end... let's hope you and I find that "prince charming".... because currently.... HE'S A JERK!