This chapter is closing...

The last three years of my life held many trials and tribulations. The last year especially..... questioning God's plan for my life. There had been a lot of personal growth and realization of who I am. Learning about what I want in my life and what I want out of a partner.

As I started this blog, I wanted to bring humor to my tumultuous dating experiences. If I couldn't laugh at it, I'd cry. I found comfort in knowing I wasn't the only one going through a rocky road of relationships and dating! Never did I think my journey for Mr. Right would end so soon (hmmm, was I being pessimistic....?!?!?!), and I didn't think I could be this happy.

As blogging about bad dates comes to a close.... this is not the end. Only a chapter in my life that has closed, as I begin a new one. The best is yet to come!!! I will continue writing on love, life, and family... it will have to be in a form other than "prince charming is a jerk" (hahahahaha). A title more fitting for the future adventures!

I want to thank you for all the support and encouragement I received from the blog followers, friends, and family. If you are one that is still running around searching for Mr. Right and only finding Mr. Jerk...... please remember this is all but a chapter in your life too. Hang tough, your time is coming...... and I promise it will be when you least expect it!

“Because you have so little faith. I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there’ and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.’” Matt.17:20

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding."-Proverbs 3:5-6


Goodnight and God Bless!

Ladies and Gentleman... I have found Mr. Right

Ladies and Gentleman... I have found Mr. Right!

My blogging has been on hiatus because I have been dating a wonderful man. All my time has been consumed in this whirlwind romance. I have found my prince charming and he is not a jerk! :) As soon as I declared I was taking a break from dating.... I agreed to one last date. The date was with a guy I had been friends with for 2 years. He pursued me back then, but my head was in the sand! Persistence finally paid off... even if it was 2 years later! Actually, the timing couldn't have been better. Two years prior, we were both not ready to take on the kind of love this relationship had to offer. Now, we had matured, experienced life and had our heads straight! We now have the capacity to love at a deeper level. When people say "timing is everything"........ it couldn't be more true. God orchestrated the perfect timing for us.

We began dating and ending up going on a date every consecutive night for a month! I can't believe I am writing about a fabulous man that has entered my life and swept me off my feet. I never thought this would happen so soon. What an exciting time! Our desires, goals, and dreams are all in line with one other. This is someone that I am comfortable being myself around and he "gets" my humor and goofy side. This is someone that I can not wait to hear from and see. He is a good 'ole country boy. A gentleman.... He is kind, loving, affectionate, funny!, sincere, driven, patient, and most importantly, a Christian. A man I see myself spending the rest of my life with........

What is Love???

I have been on many dates.... the good, the bad, the ugly ;). As I sat back and analyzed what it was I was looking for, I asked myself.... What is love? What does it look like?

Love is.... unconditional, butterflies in the pit of your stomach, constantly smiling and giddy, daydreaming about him throughout the day, counting down the time until you can see him again, laughing with him, being goofy together, doing simple things together, sitting and talking for hours, losing your concentration, exploring new things together, anxiously awaiting his phone call, a best friend, a shoulder to cry on when you had a rough day, feeling lost when he isn't around, missing him before he's even left, snuggling.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres - 1 Corinthians 13:4-7

This is exactly what I have finally found.....

For the love of your job

Does what a man do for a living really a deal breaker? Yes and No. First off, let me just start off by saying.... it is not what a man makes for a living that this blog is about.... it is what he does for a living and whether or not a woman can handle it. Careers define men. Men that do not feel they have direction and a career they like in their life, are usually the ones that cannot commit to a relationship. All has to be in order before they want to be in a relationship.... #1 being they love their career and see it going places.

Strangest Jobs of men had I've met:

1. Snake Breeder. Yes folks, I said someone that breeds snakes for a living and owns over 500 of them

2. Sailboat Maintenance Manager: I could of sworn most sailboats don't have motors, but whatever. I am just not sure what this job really is.

3. Dog Walker/ Dog Sitter: sounds fun, but for a man and as a career? And he's straight!?! Not so sure that career is going anywhere.

4. Starving Actor and Model: at 36? really? don't you think you after 15 years of trying, that maybe you would pick up a real job and make this your side gig. Oh and bartending does not count as your "main job".

5. The best is "in between" work. Otherwise known as "reinventing myself", "taking some time off from the workplace". Hey, we all know this is a bad economy and most have been out of work at one time or another, so just tell me that.

Honesty is the best policy... if you can't handle their career path (or anything else about them), just tell them. The snake breeder could not figure out why I did not want to go on a date with him after our lovely phone conversation. I had to tell him that the whole snake breeding/ owning 500+ snakes is just not for me. I find snakes disgusting and therefore, we obviously have quite different interests!

Qualifications

I believe everyone should have "qualifications" and things they are looking for in a mate. And I am not referring to "dark hair, blue eyes, tan skin" kind of qualifications. I am talking about core values, morals, similarities..... what are these qualifications you are looking for. At this point, this is not just a dating spree for FUN... this is a process of elimination to decide who will be a good husband, partner, lover, and possibly father to your children. What characteristics do you want out of this partner. I think before people begin on a dating frenzy, they really need to do an inventory on what it is they want in a man. Some of mine are religious beliefs, political views, whether or not he is ambitious and goal oriented, whether or not he is affectionate and does he have similar goals/dreams as mine for his life.

Take some time, write down what you are looking for and when you go on these first dates... find out AS MUCH AS YOU CAN. Find out if he falls in line with your goals at the start. It is better to find out on the first date or two, then 3 months into it. It may seem unconventional.... but ask those hard questions..... what do you have to lose? If you are on different wavelengths, then fine.. NEXT!

Break Time

When do you look at your dating life and begin to say... I think I need a break from all this??? I think it comes we you really do not care anymore. I had several dates one week... all first dates, and I have been getting so burned out! I am wasting time on facebook, seeing what all "my friends" are doing instead of getting ready for the date. I look at my clock and it is 7:30. Wait?!? I am suppose to be there at the restaurant at 7:30. I text him to tell him I will be late and his response is "No Problem!". Is it no problem??? I began to realize it IS a problem! Why is it that I do not care one bit about meeting this guy and going on another blind date. Am I burned out on this dating life? I think so! Its a problem when I am not even excited to get ready and meet someone. After you meet about 60 different strangers on dates over the last 6 months, and NONE are worth dating... you begin to think HE is not out there!!!! Maybe it is the fact that I am putting myself out there and trying to meet people. I am making a strong effort to meet people and connect with others..... all in hopes of finding "Mr. Right". Maybe I just need to let things be for a while and take a step backwards. What if I take a break from dating all together???????

Intimidation?

What makes a man intimidated to come up to a girl and talk to her? Are men really shy? I think there is a very small percentage that are shy... most are not. I used to believe men were intimidated.... or simply afraid of being rejected. Now, I have realized if the guy does not approach you, he is not interested. After all, I want to be with a man who pursues me, not one that is too "intimidated" to actually talk to me first. He should be the first to talk to me, ask me out, and call me. Not the other way around.... I think men like a challenge and want a challenge. So why not give it to them?!?

If this is not true, then why is it that the shy guy has such a hard time approaching a girl. I have had men who will ask someone else to go check and see if I am "available" first before coming to talk to me. I understand the feeling of rejection... but without the risk, there is no reward. I want to be the risk they are willing to take. If someone passes me by because they were too shy or nervous to ask me out, then it was not meant to be.... or perhaps "he's just not that into me" :p

Here's a funny story... I was on a blind date sitting at the bar while waiting on our table to eat. All the guy wanted to talk about was the final four basketball game that was on the bar TV. I love basketball and all.... but I do not even know this guy, so how about getting to know each other a little! We are on a date, not a sporting event. So, I am sitting there and I get a note passed down the bar to me. Almost had deja vu as if I was in middle school again and the boy passed a note to my desk. EXCEPT I was at a restaurant, the man was in his 40ies and he sent a note down the bar. Here's what it said:

Can't blame him for trying!!!! hahaha!

Categories

I have dated all sorts of men and have decided to compile a list of descriptions of the majority of guys I have dated. Now... there are a number of categories men fall into, it just so happens these were the top categories I keep coming across.

1. The Emotionally Unavailable: This is the man with a lot of baggage.... emotional baggage that is. He never has addressed issues from his past.... perhaps childhood even. He has a large wall built up... maybe for protecting himself at one point, but now does not know how to let that wall down. This man can be recently separated or divorced. The relationship starts off wonderful, he says all the right things and it is amazing... then it begins to look and feel more and more like a booty call than a relationship. He tells you that it is all about the "timing" and your timing with him just so happens to be "off".... or that he is not at the right place in his life! If he openly says he has a lot of past issues he has to deal with first, then he is not emotionally available. Quick to pursue you, then backs off once he feels he "has" you. Sends a ton of mixed signals. He is the type that will want to be "friends" with you and keep you at arms length even when you are not in a relationship together. He blames you for "pushing" the relationship. He wants you, then he doesn't. An ambivalent man.... Almost to the point of being bipolar. He dates multiple people simultaneously and historically did not have any long term girlfriends. Your love for him is not enough to change him, he needs consistent psychotherapy.......

2. The Playboy: This man is extremely cocky and thinks he could get every girl in the room. You should worry about him being so into himself. He probably has been with everyone in the room... literally. He will probably take you out, talk all about himself, wine and dine you, and of course, try and get laid. When he doesn't, he will be shocked and make you out to be the "crazy", "bad" person because he won't believe he didn't score with you! He is borderline narcissistic. Very vain, egotistical, conceited, and selfish..... He thinks he is above others and he mainly does things to look out for himself. He is a player and doesn't want a serious relationship. He is fun, attractive, built, affectionate, seductive and a great kisser. But do not let the lust fool you... he's into himself and just after a "good time"!

3. The Insecure Guy: This man is jealous of every guy that looks your way. Very controlling and can be even jealous of your own girlfriends. He ultimately has zero self esteem and at times feels he is not good enough for you. He also is someone that seems to build you up then put you down. He talks as if you are "too good" for him and then switches to say you will never find anyone as good as him. He is confused and causes confusion in your relationship. He wants you all to himself. He does not like to socialize much with your friends or other couples. He usually just wants to stay in and not do anything. His excuse will be that he wants to spend as much quality time with you as possible. The truth is, he can't stand the fact that some other guy might look your way if you are out on the town. This controlling behavior comes from his insecurity and that insecurity will not change overnight. He has to work on this on his own (without you) before you can have a healthy relationship.

4. The Non-Committal: These are the guys that are so afraid of commitment that they sabotage perfectly good relationships because after a while they feel it is headed to "marriage" and "marriage" = growing up and growing up = they have to actually be mature and responsible and this scares them shit-less. Non-Committal men are showing a sign of their immaturity. It is true. You might have a wonderful relationship, but if the man is non-committal and you do not sweep him off his feet enough to change his interests ... run! He is not going to change. You might continue to wait and wait and wait... putting everything on hold for that moment when you can finally be married to him. The reality is, he is incapable of this "committed" type relationship. So, if you want marriage in your future.... you need to look for it elsewhere.

5. The Nice Guy: Notice I put this last... yes, it really is true. The nice guys finish last. Unfortunately this is the guy that is so great on paper, there is just usually not a physical/ sexual chemistry between the two of you. He is so excited to "woo" you... take you on amazing dates and buy you things, but the entire time you are thinking you need a drink in order to continue through the date. Most of these guys put it all out there too soon... they need to slow it down and not suffocate the woman. Reason being.....he needs to make you fall in love with HIM, before the make out session begins. Most "nice guys" are so nice that they constantly put the you on a pedestal. While that is great, it needs to be gradual. When the compliments are so frequent and constant, you feel suffocated by his need to please and impress you. I still truly believe the nice guys will finish last, but will finish strong. They will be the ones celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary. So for all the nice guys.... don't quit being "nice", just breathe and turn down the forwardness a notch.....

Maybe one day I might find that needle in a haystack and prove all these stereotypes wrong. And one day I might come back on here and create another category for "Prince Charming"......until then, these are the categories and stories that make up the wonderful dating life!

Detox

Breakups SUCK and here's a few lessons I've learned along the way from a bad breakup. You must detox from this bad relationship. Detox from the negativity that has invaded your life and detox from the ex.

A great breakup book by Greg & Amiira Behrendt is "It's called a Breakup because its Broken". As the book states, "The person you loved took a long look at the awesomeness that is you, evaluated your relationship together, and said, 'No thanks. I'll try my luck elsewhere.'" If he is willing to take the risk of letting you go, his love for you was never really there to begin with. If he wanted to be with you, he'd do whatever it takes to make it happen. Instead I always got the answers from my ex "I'm not ready", "I don't know". If it has been more than a year and he still "doesn't know"... then there is your answer. As painful as it may be, the answer is he does not want to be with you. Quitting him cold turkey and going through a 60-day "detox" is the fastest way to rid yourself of him and the heartache. No seeing, texting, emailing, or talking to this person for a minimum of 60 days. A great reminder from the book, "Why should you talk to the person who just broke your heart? You wouldn't go back to a job you'd just been fired from every day just to feel bad about yourself, would you?"

You have to get rid of the unhealthy people in your life in order to find the healthy. Quit hanging onto the dysfunctional men because it is "comfortable". I kept going back to my ex because it was comfortable. But did I really want comfort or passion? I wanted someone who would go to the ends of the earth to be with me. Not someone that was comfortable with me being around and never trying to "win" me over. When you are comfortable, growth can not happen. The relationship does not grow and it becomes stagnant. I finally asked myself, "Don't you want to be with a man that wants to be with you??"

Take care of yourself.... do not sink into this breakup pit! Workout, don't drink every night, don't hook up with random guys..... take care of yourself! Do not look for a quick fix to fill the void. It never works. Do not be self-destructive! Find a support system in your friends to lift you up and get you out of the house, off the couch, and out of the liquor cabinet.

The last thing you want to be is that crazy drunk girl who is sobbing at the bar telling the bartender what an ass your ex is and asking him why your ex didn't love you?!?! So put down the Jim Beam and Jack Daniels...... and give yourself a total detox.

Keep a gratitude journal... write down all the things you are thankful for and blessed with. This positive reinforcement will help prevent negative thoughts and help you when become down about your crazy ex.

Detox has to happen so you can move on to the bigger and better things God has planned for your life. Move out of the past and into the future.....

Hot and Cold

Hot and Cold..... Katie Perry described it best....

"You're hot then you're cold
You're yes then you're no
You're in then you're out
You're up, then you're down
You're wrong when it's right
It's black and it's white
We fight, we break up
We kiss, we make up"

This describes a type of man.... the Ambivalent Man. Has anyone been in a relationship like this before? Or even dated a man who is confused, mixed up, unpredictable, unreliable, inconsistent. YET... he is so very easy to fall in love with. He is irresistible and possesses all the qualities you want in a man, yet he is incapable of committing? If you have seen sex in the city... then you know Mr. Big. Well, Mr. Big is the definition of an ambivalent man. Never sure what he wanted... he wanted Carrie, then he was over it. Back and forth and back and forth. It's no wonder I was so peeved when she ended up marrying him in the movie! UGH! NO!

My last serious relationship started out great.....everything falling into place. That was until his ambivalence came rearing its ugly head. Ambivalence is something a guy has embedded in him...... for a long time. For one reason or another, not dealing with his present issues and/or having past mother or father issues (perhaps). As much as we would like to "change" him... it might not happen. In my case, it DIDN'T HAPPEN.

I have realized it seems to be the guys that you fall for quickly. They have that charm about them that gets the girl, but then soon after become "wishy-washy". I have run into several guys like this and have realized that I should always give the 3 month or 3 time rule. One guy I went on a few dates with, didn't hear back from for several weeks, then heard from him and he wanted to go on more dates..... ok... but then the entire thing repeated. SO, obviously not again. 3x and I'm done. And if he is this unpredictable now....what in the world will he be like later. My 3 month rule goes for the infatuation period. It takes about 3 months for the "newness" and infatuation with one another to wear off. Therefore, do not get too emotionally involved with this man until you know that he is not an ambivalent man and that once the initial "newness" wears off, that he will still be around. It hurts a lot less when you give it 3 months and figure it out instead of 2 years................

Third Wheel

Vacation was fabulous! A time for some much needed relaxation. The beach was more than amazing and the weather could not have been better. Of course now that I am back in Texas, I feel like I walked into a sauna!

While on vacation, I had time to think.......I thought about life and love as I watched those around me in relationships. Here I was the "third wheel" and beginning to question if I liked it that way.... Is the third wheel really that bad? Of course it would be nice to travel with a partner and the two of you could do things together, etc.. but is single hood really as bad as people make it out to be? Was I lacking so much by having this time to myself?

Taking this time to find myself, has not been a bad process at all. Finding myself has helped me determine what qualities I deserve out of a relationship. While searching for "Mr. Right"...... I've had to understand my own personality and what I am attracted to. What are my priorities in life? What matters to me? What do I enjoy doing? I suggest everyone take some time and re-evaluate what really matters to them.... What makes you "tick"? What are you passionate about? What are your goals and dreams?

Just because I am currently the third wheel, does not mean I will always be. So, while I am... I am embracing it. I was once told "Love your circumstance" and that is exactly what I am doing.....

Vacation on the mind.......

Life can become so fast paced.... we all need a little down time to relax the mind and soul. No worries..... I haven't decided to quit blogging or haven't gotten sick of writing about life and love. There is definitely more to come! I am just taking my summer vacation and regrouping. I have so many things to write about, I just had to get away and get my thoughts together. Blogging is such a great avenue for me to tell about some of life's lessons I have learned on my journey. I also enjoy writing to add some laughter to my dating dramas. Hopefully, those who read my blog can relate in some form or fashion. I am still learning about life and always growing. I attribute my personal growth to the love and grace God has shown me. One of my favorite quotes I want to share is by Corrie Ten Boom: "Every experience God gives us, every person He puts in our lives, is the perfect preparation for the future that only He can see." If you happen to be going through hard times, remember they are strictly growing pains..... just a chapter in your life and the rest is still unwritten.

Deadlines

Deadlines at work, deadlines at school, why not a deadline in a relationship??? Everyone needs deadlines.... it is sorta like a goal without a deadline or plan, is just a dream. If you don't have a deadline, then you need one.

In your late 20's and/or early to late 30's you have dated enough... (perhaps even been married and divorced) to know what it is that you want in a relationship. When you are in your teens and early 20's, dating someone for 3, 4, 5 years is not as big of a deal. But for some reason when you are older, you spend way more time with your significant other... perhaps you even live together. Spending that much time with someone allows you to get to know everything about that person in a shorter period of time. There is no reason to date someone for more than 2 years and "not know" if he/she is the one. By this time in our lives, we know what we want out of a mate and after a year of dating, definitely know if they are the one to marry. Women seem to have more of an instinct in knowing..... but most men really do know, they are just more hesitant to accept what they are feeling.

If your guy does not want to commit, feels everything is going just fine, does not agree that things should progress and is happy with it being stagnant, then this is your sign he is not ready to commit. Move along. Take this as a red-flag. All relationships need to be moving in a forward direction and growing and going somewhere. Ask yourself, "where is this going?"

Do not give into the man's idea of taking a break. There is no such thing as "taking a break". Really? What does that mean? I will tell you what it means..... it means "I think you are awesome, but not awesome enough to make a commitment to, so let's break up and then if the grass really isn't greener on the other side, then we could give it another go."

You need a mental "deadline".... this is a deadline you keep to yourself (maybe tell your best friend), but pick a date and decide that if the relationship has not progressed accordingly or you are not getting what you want from this relationship, then you are done. Become Empowered! Quit allowing the needs and desires you want to be swept under the rug. You have to realize this is not just an issue about "marriage", it is an issue about whether or not he/she is really serious about growing your relationship..... now and perhaps forever.

I have known people that date guys for 4, 5, 6 years and still have no commitment from them. I ask the girl if she wants to be married and have a family... 9 times out of 10, she says "yes, I just do not understand why he doesn't". It is because he is just not that into you! Actually, there are a LOT more underlying issues that he is not dealing with... that will eventually come out if you do get married...... address them now! Address these deeply rooted issues.... counseling perhaps? You could be saving yourself from a lifetime of heartache or an ugly divorce.

Matchmaker, Matchmaker, Make me a Match....

"Matchmaker, Matchmaker, Make me a match,
Find me a find, Catch me a catch,
Night after night in the dark I'm alone
So find me a match of my own."

A personal matchmaker for love...... a headhunter for your love life...... well, now there's an idea! An idea that I have interesting stories from. Exclusive Matchmaking is a highly confidential elite service that men pay big-bucks to join. These companies are basically executive recruiters for men, trying to find them a woman to date. There are thousands of exclusive matchmaking services out there..... the one the has received the most notoriety and one you have probably heard of is the Millionaire Matchmaker on TV.

The "sale" to me (which was strictly just to get me to agree to go on dates) was that these men were great looking, educated, successful, and ready for commitment. The men just find it hard to date with their busy schedules. And they were going to set me up with men that had same interests, hobbies, goals, etc. I happen to find the TOTAL opposite. Yea, some were successful (so they said), some were educated and none were good looking...... Of course the matchmaking service would not allow me to see their pictures before the date since this was highly confidential. However, they saw my photos! Their excuse was that the men are paying and I am not. So I am now essentially going on serious BLIND DATES! It was always so awkward when I would show up somewhere to meet this mystery man and have no earthly idea what he looks like. After repeat and repeat and repeat of blind dating nightmares, I finally decided to tell these "matchmakers"... thanks, but not thanks. Gonna try my luck on my own... at least I will know what they look like!!!!!!

Mr. Del Frisco Guy and I met at Del Frisco's Steak House and he proceeds to ask nothing about me, instead telling about his life and how successful he is and how much money he has. When we sat to eat, he made it a point to tell the waiter aloud that we would have "the hundred dollar bottle of wine". This kind of attitude does not impress me. He then tells me he had a hilarious story about his best friend. The story was that his best friend was in a serious relationship and got drunk one night, had sex with a stripper, later proposed to his girlfriend, started planning the wedding, found out the stripper was preggers, had his friends tell the fiance, she broke off the wedding, he had a kid, finds out the stripper was crazy, then the ex-girlfriend figured she couldn't do any better so got back with him and now they are getting married. This is funny.... HOW?!?!? I really do not need to know your messed up stories on the first date... I figured if this was his "best friend", then what kind of moral character did he possess? After many stories about his so-called wealth, I was ready to run. Needless to say the date was a nightmare, but I was willing to give this "matchmaking" a few more chances.

Mr. Brainiac was one who didn't feel the need to actually take me to dinner or have an actual real date. Instead, he had an extra ticket to an event at the Dallas Nasher Sculpture Center. Ok, fine... we shall see. Maybe he'd be a looker.... As I meet my blind date, I realize he is definitely not a looker and I am going to have to find a way to get the hell out early! As we walked around the sculptures, he quizzed me to see if I knew what the sculptures represented. Did I have an eye for these unique art sculptures or was I just a dumb blonde? Not to brag, but yes... I could figure out what this art was. He was especially impressed but what I described as "Vertebrae". Come one, who cares?!?!?! I find out he takes all his first dates there because he tells me no other date he's taken there has gotten that correct... and I did a lot better in interpreting the sculptures than his last dates. Really? Am I taking a test or on a date? Bye bye Mr. Boring Brainiac!

Mr. Comedian came from NYC to meet me. So, Mr. Comedian talked exactly like the guys from the Sopranos! He talked about his life in NYC and the businesses he owned. He also told me he was a stand up comedian..... now that's interesting! Interesting up until he decided to do his routine for me. Oh no!!!! I'm in a restaurant with a 5'5" loud guy from the Bronx doing a stand up comic routine. Does it get any worse? Oh... and it was not funny, so obviously it did get worse. He calls me the next day and leaves a voicemail telling me who he is and reminding me I met him for lunch the day before (really?!?) and he would like to take me out again when he is back in town. At least he tells me that if he doesn't hear back from me, he will take that as a clue that I am not interested. (more men should follow his lead here)

Mr. Geek is your stereotypical engineer. He was nerdy and too smart for his own good. He said that he wanted to do something "different" for our first meeting. So, we met at the House of Blues for a Sunday Gospel Brunch. This is a 5'6" geeky white guy, by the way. So we are at a this gospel music show and the singers are bringing people from the audience on stage. Mr. Geek tells the waitress (without me knowing) to pull me on stage. So, here I am... on stage with a bunch of Gospel Singers on Sunday morning looking out to see Mr. Geek dancing with absolutely no rhythm and clapping off beat....... I wanted to run back stage, head for the exit and never be seen again! NEXT!!

Mr. List Maker is a nice guy in his 40's that has no social skills. He decided to email me about our first date...here's how it went.......
So for our date do you want:
1) Eat dinner at a mexican food restaurant, then go dancing at club
2) Eat dinner at at a steak house, then go try out wines at a wine bar
3) Eat dinner at a seafood restaurant, then go catch a movie

I tried to let this list making slide... trying to think it was a little humorous at first. So, after our first date and I knew we were never going out again, he emailed me

So you....
1) Know that I'm interested and what my intentions are
2) Have the chance to make it clear if your are interested
3) Should let me know if you aren't interested to avoid any uncomfortable moments
So would you like to go out on another date?

Sorry Mr. List Maker... here is my answer:
1) NO
2) Not a chance
3) Never, ever, ever again

Don't get me wrong, this guy was nice.....just NO social skills!
I am not saying all matchmaking services are alike.... its just the ones I have tried were not for me!!!! Have not had luck on this route... so.......NEXT!!!!

It's a small world after all......

It's a small world after all..... As I was a kid going through that boat ride at Disney World I was thinking "how is it a small world??" The world seemed so big and so untouched, so how could those little toys be singing "it's a small world after all...."

Now that I am 30 and single, I realize how small of a world it actually is...... and it SUCKS! In your 30ies most people are married and the dating pool gets smaller and smaller. If you are in a town where you know a lot of people and have been out dating.... you begin to wonder how is it that you keep running into the same crowd of these "single" people. I try to be social at charity and fundraising events, try to meet people at church, and meet guys at networking events... all to run into the same crowds and the same single guys. Now I am sure there are plenty more men out there in the clubby bar scene, but since I do not plan on meeting my future husband there, I don't frequent those. Of course I do throw in some "friend of a friend" dates and online dating, but it still seems to circle back around to the same crowd.

Everyone jokes about being in a "bubble" here in Dallas and this bubble sure gets smaller and smaller the older you get. What really sucks is when you run into girls you know that have dated or are dating your ex. You really begin to think you want to move out of this city! Why is it that women feel the need to air their dirty laundry about your ex or perhaps their ex that you have dated?!?!?! Like it is some competition on who's dated who! I ran into a girl who has dated my ex and she goes on to tell me how "good" he was......please put the bedtime stories to rest!!! The ex-girlfriends do not want to hear it! Ladies, please do not feel the need to explain that you have recently hooked up with, had an amazing date with, or plan to sleep with the guy that is an ex of the girl you are chatting with. ALSO, do not feel the need to tell horrible stories about a previous guy you dated, just because someone else is interested in him. If the boy has committed a crime, has STDs, or is lying about being single, lying about having kids, or something of that magnitude, then fine... all is fair in love and war. Tell the sister. But DO NOT go on to tell her you dated 3 years ago, but he called you last week for a booty call. Who is to believe who here??? Of course if this was your best friend talking, you would definitely listen... but the girls I am talking about here are girls that are acquaintances or casual friends. And actually all these stories have happened to me! Bottom line is ......Ladies, do not compare notes on ex-boyfriends... please!!!

For the guys out there.... remember women talk. Be careful who you go home with and definitely who you sleep with. For the obvious reasons of course..... but better yet, for the simple fact that the "hook-up" could be blabbing to some girl that could of been your future wife!!! Talk, talk, talk.... I wish more women could have the attitude "what happens behind closed doors, stays behind closed doors". But unfortunately a lot don't.... and you never know who is talking!

I know there are a "lot of fish in the sea".... but I sure need a bigger pool to swim in!!!

Don't Recycle

Recycle your cans, recycle your bottles, recycle your paper bags, just do not recycle your men! You broke up for one reason or another. Whatever the reason was, do not think things have changed or ever will. You are basically weeding out the bad seeds in this wonderful world we call dating, so do not go backwards and re-date the same guy, repeat the same thing that you have already gone through. That is exactly what it will be... the same hurt, frustration, and disappointment. It was over then and it should stay that way. I know he says he has changed. Well, great!!! Tell him it is good he has changed and you are glad he will treat the next girl better... but the next girl won't be you!

Here are some examples of past experiences with re-daters. When you originally meet a guy at a bar...... remember this when he calls you on a SUNDAY night to pick him up from the bar because he can't drive. When you think he drinks too much, you are probably right. As time has passed, and you decide to go back out with him because he has "gotten things figured out in his life"..... don't be surprised when you go out and he asks to stay the night because he has had "too much to drink". Really? I swear I have heard that line before. GET A CAB because it is not my problem you drank too much and it is not my problem you think you are going to use that line to try and get laid!

When a guy that told me he loved me and wants to marry me after 2 weeks of dating... then suddenly says "I am not feeling it". If this or something similar happens to you.....Keep in mind, there is ALWAYS more to the story!!! More that you probably didn't want or need to know in the first place. Don't plead with him...LET HIM GO! But wait, in this case he actually called me back 6 weeks later to explain the story. His ex-girlfriend called and said she was pregnant with his child and they got back together to have it. Oh, wait... then he found out that was a lie and wants to know when we can go out again. Whoops! Sure I will go out with you....when hell freezes over. Thanks, but no thanks.

When guys you date suddenly fall off the radar, realize that they have found someone else and moved on. When they call you back to date again... remember you weren't good enough, fun enough, or easy enough the first go around and you do not want to be sloppy seconds.

Fighting, breaking up and getting back together.... then doing it all over again. This is a problem ladies. It is a HUGE red flag. I don't care how long you have been with him and love him, this is a sign this roller coaster is never stopping. Prepare to be riding on it for the rest of your relationship.... or until you get divorced or die. Of course, every couple fights..... but when the fights escalate to the extreme of a hateful breakup, it is probably meant to be OVER the first time it happens! I know, I know... a few days later the remorse sets in, the apologies (and usually tears) set in and you are back with him. Not for long though, because remember.... this is a roller coaster and what goes up must come down. Sooner than later there is another blow out and the entire process repeats. Get off the roller coaster!

Remember: Friends don't let friends RECYCLE.

Get Over It!

Get over it.... Ever heard that old Eagles song "Get over it"? Well, that is what this blog is about. This big, bad world doesn't owe you a thing.... here are a few lyrics from this lil tune:

All this whining and cryin and pitchin a fit

Get over it, get over it!

Complain about the present and blame it on the past

Id like to find your inner child and kick its little ass

Get over it, get over it!

The way I see it, is that life is not fair. Really, really not fair! We can wallow in our unfair life, or decide to to take it in stride. I have had crap happen to me in my life, and so have most people. I am really tired of dating men that have been married before and were "burned" by their ex that now they sit around and are not willing to take a chance on ever being happy. MOST people have been burned. I have too. I am not a stranger to unfair things happening in my life. Things that I sit and question "why in the world is God putting me through this"?? But you know what? Would of, should of, could of... the past is the past and in order to ever move forward you must BURY the past. The past hurt, irritation, unwarranted things that have happened to you.... put it to rest. Not only do you need to bury your past, but the past of the one you are dating. If they stayed in a marriage too long, if they had a past that you do not agree with... then leave them. Do not sit around and wish that they would have done something differently in their past, before they even met you. This is their past and if you don't like it... leave.

If you truly want to be happy in life, you will understand that we all made mistakes, have stayed in a relationship too long or for the wrong reasons, been mistreated by someone we thought we loved..... but all this does not define us. We are made up of all of our experiences, but it does not determine our future or how the rest of our story will turn out. The past experiences are only chapters in our book of LIFE. So, live and love... fully. That is what we are here for. Put yourself out there..... give 110%. Do not continue this victim mentality! Give all you have and one day you will find that someone that gives all they have back to you.

Its not you, its me.....

Now there were a few guys that I couldn't get to stop calling and blowing my phone up! I have been asked to Miami, Napa Valley, Antigua all within 2 weeks. These guys are asking me to run away with them after meeting once! Is it me or is this weird?

At first I took the forwardness as a wooing mechanism and felt a bit flatter that I was on such high demand…. However, was I not reading into a very important piece? The fact that there is no respect for taking things slow with me. No respect for me as a person, woman, or sexual being? Instead the compliments slowly and surely began to feel like harassment....

I dated one guy... we will call him Mr. Baby. Mr. Baby and I went on 3 dates and he preceded to tell me he "loved me". Excuse me? You do not even know me? How do you love me? Mr. Baby told me what he knew about me, he loved and when "you know, you know". He went on to be very straightforward and tell me we would be getting married in 6 months and having babies soon after. Men--- as much as women like to know you want to provide for them, give them a family, etc..... this is NOT the way to go about it. You will scare the woman off. Just like guys hate the desperation that comes out of a woman's voice.... women hate to think the guy would get married to anything that moved. Needless to say, his aggression and continued forwardness in planning "our" future came to a screeching halt. I know things move a lot faster when we grow "up", but come on.... in 2 weeks you think you want to marry me?!?!

How to let the guy down easy? "It's not you, it's me". Women, if you have dished this out or heard it from a man it is complete BS. It's always something else that they are not willing to tell you. When a guy tells you this, realize it is definitely not the "I am confused and trying to figure out my life right now. I need time for me." I will decode that for you, "You are cool but not anyone I want to spend every waking moment with. If I do not find anyone else, I will keep you on the back burner and call you again."

Be straightforward with the guy.... I think you need to tell him exactly how you feel. "Your lack of communication skills is driving me mad" or "The more I am around you, the less attractive you are" or "You bore me to tears" or "Your constant texting and not calling is killing me". Something of those sorts. NOW.... ladies, you have to put your big girl panties on and be able to take the heat as well. I would MUCH rather know what is going on with the guy and why he quit calling, then the uncertainty of him "disappearing". Realize that most guys will not have the courage to tell you straight up and that is why we must set the stage. Wouldn't you rather know what really happened, than have him fall off the face of the earth and never, ever call you again? Bottom line is be honest. Do not keep going on dates with him trying to force a connection.... And realize when he is blowing you off.....

Texting as communication....

It is quite wonderful we are in an "instant communication" era. Where we can get a hold of people on an instant? Email, text, facebook, twitter.... If you want to have a relationship with someone, do not use this as a form of communication.

Texting is meant to be used as a form of letting someone know something instantly..... like "I will be at your place in 10minutes" or "pick up some milk at the store" or "I will call you when I get out of my meeting". Texting is NOT meant for a means of relationship building, arguing, breaking up, or professing ones deepest feelings. Men, please pick up the phone and learn to communicate like a big boy. If you have something you want to get off your chest, pick up the phone.... don't wuss out and text so you do not have to properly communicate. Text messages can be misconstrued. If you have something to say, THEN SAY IT..... VERBALLY.

People have become flat out lazy when it comes to communicating. I will admit... I have fallen into the texting game. But am so tired of it being the main way of communicating when you are trying to build a relationship. I used to have text arguments with my ex. He claimed he could express his feelings better through text messages. Well, how in the world did you communicate when texting was non-existent!?!?!

I have been asked out on a date via text, was first told "i love you" via text, was broken up with and "yelled" at... all over text (ALL CAPS MEANS YOU ARE YELLING). This is a serious problem. Statistics said... as of last year, there were 75 BILLION text messages sent per month!!! If you are looking for a relationship, lets be adults and talk. Talk in person, talk on the phone, just talk!

Keeping Up With The Joneses

Was this too good to be true? Everything I had ever wanted in a man, I found in Mr. Jones. What do we all seek and strive for? Love, acceptance, romance, chemistry…. And of course a friendship. But was all this blinded by my need for wanting to be in a marriage and have children? Was I truly in love with this man or in love with the idea of our little picture perfect family we had created? Keeping up with the Joneses... desiring this nice house, white picket fence, 2.5 kids, love, money, and happiness!

In this day and age with technology the way it is…. So many of us strive to come across having this “perfect” life. "Look at my blog about my perfect life! Read what wonderful and amazing things I am doing with my wonderful family on facebook, myspace… twitter." Now more than ever, people are sitting around trying to keep up with the Joneses. It not even just about money anymore. It is about who has the BEST marriage (or comes across to have it). Who has adorable kids? Who gets the privilege of being a stay at home mom? Who has the nicest house? Who travels the most? Seriously, we can not get away from the need to compare ourselves to everyone else and exploit our lives in a way where we want to come across as perfect as possible.
This is not reality. And this is definitely not what this blog will be about. What you will get here is absolutely the God honest truth. No fluff, No BS, nothing but the TRUTH folks. I will tell it like it is. And maybe, just maybe, others will start living their lives more honestly and know that the truth is what sets us free!!! :)

Other People's Kids....

Dating men with kids: there are great things that come from dating men with children(s). None of which I can think of right off the top of my head….. hmmmm…. Just kidding. Kids are wonderful and you will get attached very easily.

I have come to find out that when dating men with no children, they are most likely willing to have kids. Men with children have more of a “take it or leave it” mentality. Where they could do without more kids, or with….. and most use the line “whatever my future wife wants”. No sir, after I birth out a baby and tell you to change its diaper - I don’t want that line coming back to me “this is what YOU wanted. I already had my children”. This is an all or nothing gig. I want to hear, "YES, YES, I want more children… I love more kids." NOT the… "hmmm, not sure about it" answer. Seeing your date with his own children is a preview of how he will be with your children. Is he an active dad? Is he an absent dad? Is he strict? Or are there no rules when they are with dad? Pay Attention to this! As much as you "love" him, his kids will be with you FOREVER. Can you handle them? Can you handle how he is with them?

In my situation with Mr. Jones, it was even harder since his child was an infant when we met. One man + one infant=no maternal instincts. I took a lead role in that child's life. Feeding, bathing, putting to bed, taking care of illnesses, play dates, nanny…. I was the mother to a child that was not mine. It did take a lot for me to do this, but I was “in love”. Not only with Mr. Jones, but the innocent child that was in the mix of this. My biggest mistake was getting involved too soon… too quickly in the child's life. Mr. Jones became dependant on me when his child was in town. At the time, I thought this was great because it was almost like our own little family. Ladies, don’t play house… there will be plenty of years to do that. Mr. Jones was NEEDING me around during the times he had his child… but was he “needing” me the rest of the time??? Better yet, was he WANTING me? That is really what all women desire. A man that wants them around come hell or high water. Kiddos are wonderful... don't get me wrong, but ladies -just remember his kids are your kids.... forever.

The Ex

Finding someone!!! Wow, I actually met someone on “myspace”. Really? How does that even work, you might ask…. Well, an email is sent, a friend request is made, and voila… email buddies who turn into friends who eventually start a relationship. Ahhhhh, technology!

After a month of talking, we’ll call him “Mr. Jones" and I met! We fell hard… let me say, I fell hard and he acted to fall as well…....

Then, I find out he is separated and going “through a divorce”. LADIES, run, run very fast. Hindsight is 20/20… but make sure the divorce is final and he has been divorced at LEAST 6 months before jumping into a relationship! The man goes through what is called a "divorce honeymoon" after the divorce is said and done. This is where he needs his time to figure himself out and "sow his wild oats" before he is settled down again. If there is not a least 6 months in between his divorce and you... then it he will go through this when you are together. All of a sudden he will feel as if he needs "his" time to figure out his life, direction, purpose..... blah, blah, blah. In the end it is just best to let him get this divorce honeymoon out of the way BEFORE you begin a relationship. Call yourself forewarned.

I began getting calls to my work for this mysterious “ex” of Mr. Jones! I finally said why is the crazy calling me and do I need to get a restraining order? Well, the crazy is harassing me and accusing me of “cheating on her ‘husband’” What? Considering I did not even know he was still married when we started talking, how could I be to blame. Considering Mr. Jones moved cities and filed for divorce way before meeting me, she really had no leg to stand on. Note to self: people are temporarily insane when they are going through a divorce.... I realized this after I was being followed by a private investigator. Kinda creepy when you find out someone has been following you, watching you, etc! Hmmmm, didn’t ask for this! Now I am the person with zero baggage. No children, no crazy ex, no “shared goods” with the ex, no debt, and definitely more sanity then most combined, but yet I am the one that is the "bad" person. Luckily the craziness was short lived, but remember... when the man has a kid with the ex.... she will still be around forever!

*****Side note*****.....Counseling does help by the way… would recommend it to through a divorce. Hell, I will recommend it for the life of your life. You are always either coming out of a crisis, going into a crisis, or in the middle of a crisis. So, that is a recommended investment for those who enjoy being smarter than most.

Don't EXIT HERE......

When I get older, I will be stronger...

I sit here as a 30 year old single woman, wondering what happened in my life? How did I end up here? How come I am still single with no children? My life certainly did turn out the way I thought it was going to just 5 short years ago.

Married at 23 to the same guy I had dated since I was 19, had never left me much option to “date around”…. BUT, I did think he was the one and what should we do after dating for 4 years…. Well, obviously get married! Right!?!? Along came marriage, then came reality, then came distance, tension, financial problems, etc, etc, etc....and divorce.

So at 27, I found myself back in the dating world…. Starting all over. But wait, I had never really “started” it to begin with?!? I was with the same person for over 8 years. Where did my twenties go? How do I date? Where do I begin?

Everyone claims to have this desire to be married and have a family and this wonderful picture perfect life.... but what is it really? What are we all striving for? What does this picture perfect "life" look like? I sit here wondering what it is that we are desiring. I will tell you what the majority of women my age are desiring......a desire to love and to be loved back completely. The desire to find a true companion to share life with, have children with, grow old with.... To find a partner that pursues us, cherishes us, and adores us.

When I get older, I will be stronger....... this indeed has taken place. I have grown so much through my divorce and think I have finally figured out a few things about dating and marriage. I believe both parties need to find a strong connection with God before they can have a strong connection with anyone else. I sit here not looking for someone to "complete me" because God completes me and I do know He ultimately will bring me the desires of my heart. Of course, it is so much easier said than done..... the patiently waiting part! We are in a "now" world, with instant communication and a high-speed life. We want what we want NOW. Right?!?! And as much as I fall into that category, the "now" will definitely have to be HIS now. When I was married at such a young age, I assumed that this other person was suppose to fill the void and complete me as a person. That DOES NOT happen when you are married. If you are not complete on your own, you will never be complete as a couple. Both parties must be healthy and strong enough on their own before they can have the capacity to fulfill their partner's earthly desires.

When in a relationship... or when married.... people have to realize there are NO guarantees in life. At any given moment on of the two in the relationship can "check-out". Once you are committed and/or married, the work does not stop there. It is a continuation of pursuing the other, striving to be better, and learning to love deeper and deeper. Once one "checks-out" it is over. Two people have to go into the relationship, knowing they will give it all they got and if trust is broken and one person is not giving to the relationship, its going to be a constant uphill battle.

Now that I am older... and stronger...... I know that being alone is much better than being in a lonely relationship. So many women "settle" so they are not alone.... and ironically they end up alone anyways. Ladies, be strong, be wise, be who you want to be and God will provide that man that meets you where you are.

Grow Some Testicles

MEN.... Grow Some Testicles.... BUT NOT ON THE BACK OF YOUR TRUCK!

Ok, so I go on a date with a guy and as he drives off in his truck, I see bull balls hanging from the back. Gross! I know we are in Texas, but do you have to act like a podunk country boy with bull balls hanging from the back of your truck?!?!

So, what I mean by "grow some testicles" is..... say what you feel!!!! Men need to take a lesson in saying what they are thinking. I am so sick and tired of guys that cannot express what they feel. Instead, they run and hide. They try to sweep things under the rug as if nothing has happened and nothing bothers them. I have been on enough dates to know, you have to say what you mean and mean what you say! QUIT beating around the bush.... if you are not interested or something is bothering you..... then just tell me!

I have been on dates with guys who I end up never hearing from again. WTH?!? I am a big girl... tell me if you are not interested, mad that you didn't get laid on the first date, or just don't like anything about me. I can handle it... what I can't handle is the uncertainty... the confusion on why you never called. Grow some testicles and TELL ME! If you do not like my bluntness and straight forwardness.... then TELL ME! I will certainly tell you what I don't like! :)

Even more frustrating is when a guy calls and takes you out and then does not call you for a while. The 2-3 day rule should not exist after you have graduated college. Games are not fun... games are for boys, not men. If you liked us, call or text us.... if you didn't feel it, then text us that. Quit playing the games. So, I had Mr. Mysterious call and call... I finally go on a date and then he doesn't call for 3 weeks?!?! He then decides to call me up again. "Please, please, please go out with me... I have been swamped at work" Ok. Why not? Then after that date, I do not hear from him again for another 2 weeks?!?! So, when he called again, there was NO way I was going out with him. And then he's confused? Mister, you need a reality check.... girls do not sit around waiting on your phone call. These guys need to realize their inconsistency is never going to get them anywhere. Grow some and be a man!

Doctor, Doctor Give me the News

Doctor, Doctor.... PLEASE don't give me the news! I dated a guy who I thought was nice, funny, sincere... and plus, he was a doctor! Great! Wrong.... we dated for a WEEK and one night after dinner he came to my house to hang out for a little while. I went to the bathroom and came back to see him completely naked on my couch! WHAT?!?!? This was obviously not a joke. He was professing his feelings for me and told me to "hop on". Are you kidding? I obviously am not the kind of girl you are used to dating! He was quite offended when I threw his clothes to him and told him to get out. Guys, look for some signs first before you decided to express your feelings to me through nakedness! Come on, girls do not get "turned on" by your thingy! Not to mention your forwardness!!!!

These should be lessons to all men out there.... please, do not let us women know how much we are "turning you on". This ends up being a big TURN off! Mr. Young Guy and I went to dinner and had a nice night. When he walked me to my car we had a good night kiss... or two. When I said, "I have to be going". He grabbed my hand to feel how "turned on" he was. Are you kidding?!?!?! That definitely calls for a no-call back! Contain yourself BUCKO! I am glad I have that affect on men, but seriously... on the first or second date, do I really need to know it?!?! EWWWWWW!

Don't be a Pinhead!

Do not be a pinhead: n. a nitwit, a dunce, an ignorant person

Let the dating stories begin!!! Guys.... never, never, never order dinner for your date.... especially when it is your first date. I once had a date with Dumb Dumb. I always meet the guy for the first date, so when the guy tells you to meet him at the restaurant that is RIGHT by his house, know the date isn't going to be great. Dumb Dumb preceded to order my dinner and "water" at the Italian restaurant. Nothing I chose... no wine, no food I decided on, nothing. What? Ok, "give him the benefit of the doubt" I thought. Well, until he asked to finish my meal!! "I feel like I know you well enough to ask if I can finish off your lasagna." WHAT?!?!?! Our first date and you feel you know me well enough to eat my food off my plate? Ok?!?! When ending a wonderful or as this was, CRAPPY, date... guys... please, please, please walk the girl to her car! As I walked myself to the car I thought.........................N-E-X-T!

On to another dating nightmare..... I go on a blind date, well an "e-harmony" date and we meet for lunch. Mr. Drunk proceeds to tell me he has not been to work today, since he is hungover from the night before. LUCKILY, he let me know that he bought a sauna for his house for "nights like last night" when he gets so drunk he needs to DETOX. As if that is bad enough, he continues on to tell me he hates working and really wishes he was on a yacht with drinks being served to him. Well, don't we all mister! Check please!!!!!!

Online What?!?!?!

The online dating world..... can you really call it dating? Really? I have heard of wonderful people meeting wonderful people on the match.com's and the eharmony's of the world. But it didn't quite turn out that way for me! A bunch of men who have no clue who they are or what they want... and the majority... just looking to get laid. MEN--- pay attention.... here is what NOT to post when you are on the online dating sites:

• NO self-portraits (with you sticking your arms out and it looks as if your head is on a plate)!
  
• NO pictures of you in a huge group of people.... it is great you have friends, but we have not a clue to which one you are... it is pointless
  
• NO pictures of your "STUFF".... cars, house, boat, motorcycle, dog, buck you killed on your hunting trip last fall.... none of these are impressive enough to put on the dating site

• NO pictures of you and other girls, ESPECIALLY different girls - NOPE! Unless you are trying to look like a player! This isn't a site for your frat boys to check out, you are trying to meet a woman to date!
  
• NO pictures that make you look gay... if you are trying to pick up a woman, do not put cutesy pictures of you and your dogs, etc.

• NO pictures with your shirt off.... leave a little bit for the imagination!!! And absolutely no wife-beater shirts. Thank you.

I could go on and on..... but you get my drift! I attached some photos so you have a clearer understanding. Real photos...seriously people... I can't make this crap up!